At Rutgers University in New Jersey and a leading researcher of the science behind love. She divides the process of falling and staying in love into three stages—each driven by corresponding hormones that play a part in directing our actions. First, humans meet someone who excites them sexually, with testosterone—in both men and women—playing a part. Once two people establish a mutual attraction, they move on to romantic love, the head-overheels stage of a relationship.
Working in the brain at this point is dopamine, which creates the emotional high of being in love. At the same time, other chemicals, including adrenaline, make the heart pound a little harder when the beloved is around. The third stage, sustaining a loving relationship, is possible, in part, because of oxytocin. Scientists have studied the role this hormone plays in creating a bond between a mother and her child. Oxytocin also helps build the bonds of attachment between partners. Studies done by Beate Ditzen at the University of Zurich indicate that the hormone makes lovers more able to express their feelings and be supportive of each other. Oxytocin also reduces cortisol, a hormone that stimulates stress.
Genes may play a part in how receptive someone is to the power of oxytocin. Once we find the right person, our body responds in particular ways. Couples with successful, lasting relationships show fewer signs of stress (measured by the fight-or-flight syndrome scale) when they’re conversing, while couples facing rocky times show signs of stress even when talking about mundane things. This increased stress between partners can affect their immune and endocrine systems, raising the risk of disease.
Despite these findings, Fisher believes that biology alone does not determine whom we fall in love with and whether the relationship lasts: “your culture, your background, and…your upbringing” also play a role. But below the surface of our thoughts, biology does indeed operate in shaping our love lives.
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